This month has been physically and emotionally very difficult. I'm still figuring this thing out, and it frustrates me that it's taking me so long to get it. Like. I've been dealing with Crohn's disease and it's side-effects for six years. You'd think that I'd understand my own body! But I don't. And I get discouraged every time it flares up. I try to remember that I'm still young, and I shouldn't expect myself to have it all figured out. I try to remember that I have time to sort things out and I'm not a failure for not being wholly healthy already. I try to remember that I'm not alone in this! Physically or spiritually. My husband and my Jesus are with me.
So I'll be taking the next week or so really easy. I'm gonna rest up, get back into my healthy routine, have better control over what I'm eating... set up an appointment with Dr. Rawdon.. hah. It's way past time.
My attitude though has been much better today than usual when things get bad. I managed to avoid a full-blown pity party and I've enjoyed living in each moment - allowing myself to feel fully disappointed without internalizing it and lashing out at Josh later. Crying when I feel like it. Laughing when I feel like it. Making jokes, trying to stay sweet. :P I'm not wallowing... I don't know, that feels like a step in the right direction to me. Step one of many!